i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
