I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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