Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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