The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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