Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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