i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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