Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
