I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
