We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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