This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Text me some of your sweat
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
