If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
