We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
