How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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