meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I supernannyed him into submission
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
