ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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