i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My vagina just recognized that song.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
