So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
