You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
