bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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