I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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