At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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