It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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