I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
