You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
