Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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