i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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