i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
