Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
