do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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