Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
