How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What a dumb baby whore.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
