I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
