I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
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He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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