please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
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I love having hate sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
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The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator