sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.