Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
where are you?
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.