i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.