I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
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She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
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I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.