Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.