Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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