the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
