wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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