I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it was like eating out sand paper
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
