We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
