Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
