Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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