how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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