Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
