matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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