I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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