just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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