Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
