I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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