i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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