Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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