Porn is love you can see.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
