So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
