Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Success! We fucked roommates!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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