is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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