Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
