last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
