You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i love accidental penises.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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