i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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