I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
