I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
