You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
