walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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