The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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