I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
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We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize