Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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