I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
