Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
