they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
